How old was your oldest when you got pregnant with your second? 

9 months old.

Did you always know you wanted to have 2 kids under 2 years old?

I’ve always dreamed of having a big, close family. I don’t think I ever thought deeply about the idea of 2 under 2. I knew I wanted to have multiple kids and I loved the idea of them being close in age, but I didn’t know how close.

The decision is so personal and loaded with many factors. We were lucky at the time to not have sleep issues, eating issues or health issues, no colic or things of that nature with our first. If those challenges did exist I could see us having a much harder time being ready again so soon.

Things were going so smoothly with our son by 6 months old so that’s when we started trying again. I was especially nervous to wait long because when we were TTC our son it took longer than we expected so I think that also played a part in us being ready so soon for our second. Thankfully the second time around we were lucky enough to only try for 3 months which was something I’ll always be grateful for. Having 2 under 2 will always remain an honor and blessing in my mind. 

What has been the hardest ages?

I would say by far the hardest time was newborn and 1.5. Dealing with a toddler with big emotions and no real words to communicate those feelings was heartbreaking and challenging as all hell. 

I also exclusively breastfed our second baby, so that was extremely mentally and physically demanding. I wanted to be an octopus with 8 arms and also be in multiple places at once. My heart felt torn.

Now that my youngest is almost 2 and our oldest is 3.5, I finally feel like we’re through the rapids, for now at least. 

Did you know how hard it would be?

Not at all. I don’t think there was anything that could have been said for me to understand how difficult (and wonderful) it would be, other than living it. 

I grew up around babies and kids so I felt extremely comfortable and prepared in that way, however the unrelenting commitment, demand and exhaustion that comes with early parenthood were some of the toughest of days. It was something I never could have expected or understood until we lived it.

Sicknesses thrown into the mix definitely complicated things. In addition to the seemingly never ending illnesses, were things like when my 1.5 year old would need me at the same time that my newborn needed to be fed or held. It would shatter my heart. When both kids were crying for me at the same time and I tried to be everything for both of them, that was tough. Being separated from my toddler when I needed to be undivided for my newborn. 1.5 year olds are still very new to language. It would make me so sad when I felt like he couldn’t understand and just wanted me to hold him when the newborn needed me too. 

I’m really talking about the outliers here. These challenges were in no way the majority, it just sticks in my brain because they were really tough moments. The first year was undoubtedly hard, but it was survivable! And so very worth it!!

What do you love most about being a mom of 2 kids with an 18 month age gap?

Other than the utter joy and heart warming feels of being the recipient of their love, I adore seeing their friendship grow. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. The little one calls out the older one’s name when she’s looking for him, which is anytime she can’t see him and the older one gets upset when the younger one naps or gets put to sleep before he does. Their friendship gets stronger every day and I love being a fly on the wall to witness it all.

What is your best piece of advice for another family considering getting pregnant while having a 9 month old?

In the long term it’ll be amazing, but in the short term it may feel impossible. Just remember that everything is temporary — the good and the bad. That always helped me survive the toughest of times and appreciate the best of times.

I feel like it was such a temporary hardship for a lifetime of reward. It was hard through pregnancy and through those postpartum months but it was, in the grand scheme, just a moment in time. There were a million and one joyous moments mixed in between all the chaos. I’d do it again in a heartbeat just to witness the friendship and love I now see in my two kiddos. 

Another incredible thing about it is just as I’m sad for my son to grow out of a particular phase, I get to enjoy my daughter entering that phase. I really love that about their close age gap!

What are your 3 top tips for raising 2 under 2?

1. Empower your first born. My oldest was so excited to be given jobs. “Will you get me a diaper?” “Which book should we read?” “Will you grab the bag?” “Will you teach your sister how to…” I involved my son in everythingggg and I think it payed off. It minimized jealousy and encouraged a bond like no other.

2. Ask for help.. whatever that looks like for you. Maybe it’s your mom or dad, or another family member, maybe it’s a sitter from time to time, maybe it’s a Montessori program or a daycare or maybe even a nanny or a night nurse, just ask for what you feel you need to get through the season you’re in. It doesn’t make you less of a great mom for not wanting to juggle it allllll by yourself. Remind yourself of that because the mom guilt will always try to sneak in!

3. Have a great partner. My husband is the ultimate teammate. If I communicated I was suffering with something he’d find a way to lighten the load. When he saw our toddler struggling and needing my love, he’d grab our newborn and give her love until I was able to swap. We’d just tag team on everything and would divide and conquer. That was critical to it all working.

For more on 2 under 2, read 11 Tips to Happily Survive 2 Under 2.