If you are a mom and you have even just one friend, hold on to them tight.

Friendships in motherhood is a weird thing. It’s almost like as I’m getting to know myself better, I am also getting to know my friends better or perhaps in a different light. Before babies, I had my friends who I thought would be in my life forever, and then after babies I realized… “Wow, we aren’t as close as I thought we were.” It’s not their fault though, and it’s not mine. This isn’t to blame anyone. We are just in different seasons of our lives. They don’t understand what I’m going through and I don’t understand what they’re going through and it is what it is.

As I navigate this new season of my life, I realize my friendships with those in a similar season to me, got stronger. 

Chloe with her friend and their children

We can relate so closely to what one another is going through and sometimes as a mom all we crave is to feel validated in our sometimes “isolating” feelings.

For the most part, it seems like the friends who don’t have babies start coming around less. They don’t check in as often, they aren’t inviting us to the next boozy brunch or Saturday night out. Before long, I don’t even realize who they are dating anymore, I haven’t met any of their flings, and I start to realize we don’t even know each other much anymore.

It’s no one’s fault. As a new mom I am just realizing what truly matters. I prioritize who I want around my babies and who I feel comfortable talking about the anxiety I’ve been experiencing or my lack of sleep and so forth.

My non-mom friends are probably even thinking the same thing about me. They might be thinking “Hmmm… Chloe hasn’t even texted me in 6 months, she never texts me back.” Or they might even find out about my babies’ new milestones on Instagram instead of through a personal text. I feel bad about this, but I am also sometimes hanging on by a thread. I don’t mean to ignore my friends or not keep in touch, but #momlfie.

I look at a text while in the middle of cooking dinner and then it’s bath time, story, PJs, bed, cleaning, catching up on laundry, finishing up some work… and then I totally forget.

My mom friends who are in a similar season to me just get it. They totally understand because they are also going through the same things. I think during this season of my life friendships in motherhood where I don’t even have to try, where they are just easy and low maintenance are the best for me right now.

Friendships in motherhood are special. 

Chloe with her friend and both their babies

The friends who are present in my life are so special to me. They are the friends I know I can count on. They are the friends who have my back and if I need support, I know they will be there.

I recently asked my Instagram followers what qualities were important to them with their friendships in motherhood and here’s what they had to say:

• Compassionate 

• Understanding

• A good listener

• Not judgmental 

• Someone who puts in effort 

I think it’s important to note that a few people who participated in this question weren’t moms. It goes to show that whether you’re a mom or not, we all crave similar qualities in a friendship. How can we all be there for one another through every season of life? How can we make it simple for the mamas but also still hold priority and importance. We can’t expect our friends who aren’t moms to understand the mental load of being a mom, just like they can’t expect us to know what it’s like to go out until 2am and sleep in until 12pm.

This is why I love having a resource that helps my circle of friends stay up to date on important life events, especially pregnancy.

Chloe with her three friends and their babies

If I had friends (who knew when) to check in on me throughout my pregnancy, we would have stayed connected a lot more. For me personally, if my friends weren’t checking in on me regarding my pregnancy, I wasn’t openly telling them because to be honest, I felt like they didn’t care. I wasn’t openly saying “Hey girl! Just had my glucose test”, especially to someone who wasn’t a mom, but if they asked, I would definitely share. I also can’t expect people to know when I’m having these different tests and appointments but if they would have had the Bumpdate App then they would know when to check in and I feel like that would have made a world of a difference.

For another blog written by Chloe Gillette, read 13 Ways Being a Mom Has Changed Me.