As my best friend prepares to welcome her first baby and become a first time mom, I feel an overwhelming sense of excitement and anticipation for her.

This is the beginning of an incredible journey into motherhood, one that will change her life in ways she can’t yet imagine. While she asks me so many questions about what to expect as a first time mom, I know that some experiences can only truly be understood once you’re living them. There’s so much I want to share, but I find myself holding back, knowing that the magic of motherhood is something you just have to experience for yourself. There’s a fine line between supporting her in her pregnancy and overwhelming her with motherhood advice too soon. 

I want to tell her everything I wish someone had shared with me before I became a mom.

For now, I’ll tell her that I love her, that I am here for her always, that she is going to be an amazing mom, and that her baby is incredibly lucky to have her. When the days feel long, and the nights even longer, I’ll be there to say, “I know. I’ve been there too.” and that most importantly, she’s going to be a mom—and it’s going to be the absolute best feeling in the world. I can already imagine the joy and the transformation she’s about to experience.

If I didn’t hold back and told her everything I wish I could tell her before she becomes a mom, here is what I would say.

The Reality Check of Birth

There’s so much focus on the perfect birth plan, but I want her to know that birth is unpredictable. No matter how much you prepare, things might not go as planned—and that’s okay. The best thing she can do is enter the experience with an open mind and trust that her body and her medical team will get her through it. If things don’t go as hoped, it’s okay to grieve, but what matters most is that she and her baby are safe.

The First Days Postpartum: A Rollercoaster of Emotions

Nobody prepares you for how raw those first few days postpartum will feel, especially as a first time mom. Physically and emotionally, it’s a whirlwind. Her body will be healing, and her hormones will be all over the place. She might cry over nothing—or everything. She might feel completely in love one moment and totally overwhelmed the next. This is all normal. I just want her to know that she has permission to feel it all. It’s okay to not have it all together immediately.

Breastfeeding (or Not): A Fed Baby is a Happy Baby

If breastfeeding is part of her plan, I want her to know that it can be much harder than it looks. It might be painful, frustrating, and exhausting at first. If it works out, that’s wonderful. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too. There is no one right way to feed a baby. What matters most is that she’s feeding her baby, in whatever way works best for them both. A fed baby is a happy baby.

Sleep Deprivation: A Whole New Level

Everyone will tell her to “sleep when the baby sleeps,” but I know how unrealistic that advice can be. The exhaustion will hit hard, and sometimes, it will feel like it’s too much. This is when asking for help becomes so important. Let people bring her meals, fold the laundry, or hold the baby while she closes her eyes. She doesn’t have to do it all alone.

Her Identity Will Shift—and That’s Okay

One of the biggest shifts she’ll experience is in her identity. She might not feel like herself for a while. She’ll miss parts of her old life, and she might even wonder if she’ll ever feel “normal” again. The truth is, she’s becoming someone new—a stronger, more resilient version of herself. It’s okay to grieve the loss of parts of the person she used to be, but in time, she’ll see that she’s growing into an even more amazing woman.

Letting People In: There’s No Trophy for Doing It Alone

Motherhood is not something she needs to do alone. I want her to know it’s okay to ask for help, to text her friends when she’s having a hard day, or to say yes when someone offers to watch the baby. There’s no prize for trying to do it all by yourself, and the more support she allows, the easier it will be.

She’s Not Alone

There will be days when she feels overwhelmed, when the exhaustion feels like too much, and when she wonders if she’s doing this whole mom thing right. In those moments, I want her to remember that every mom has been there. Every mom has questioned herself. And every mom finds her way, one day at a time.

Motherhood is the hardest and the best thing I’ve ever done. And soon enough, she’ll know exactly what I mean. I can’t wait to walk this path alongside her, to hold her hand as she steps into this wild, beautiful, and messy world of motherhood.

She’s about to experience a love unlike anything she’s ever known, and I’ll be here, cheering her on every step of the way.

For another blog on helpful pregnancy information for a first time mom, read, 7 Appointments You Can Expect During Pregnancy and Social Support During the Journey to Motherhood.