I’m 23 weeks pregnant with our third baby, and if you know me, you know I love a good name story. I mean, we created an entire app rooted in connection, storytelling, and bringing together the people who matter most to us. But here I am, just past the halfway mark… and I can’t settle on a boy name. At all.

Here’s the setup: My husband is a big fan of waiting until the birth to find out the gender. We’ve done that twice already, team green I believe they call it, and sure enough, we’ve got “one of each” — our son Holden and our daughter Scout. A lot of people say, “Oh, so it doesn’t really matter what you have next because you have one of each.” But for us, it’s never been about “what gender we have…or want.”

According to my husband, waiting to find out the baby’s gender is a test of willpower and self-control. He says, “You don’t get a say. You’re not in control. And forcing yourself to sit with that is a personal challenge of character.” And now that’s in my head… (as if growing and birthing a child isn’t strength enough) so…eye roll…we’re waiting. Again.

And honestly, I want to enjoy it. I do. But what’s stopping me from fully leaning into the unknown is this: I feel totally at peace with a girl name. Like, completely content.

But the boy name? I’m spiraling.

Our firstborn, Holden, is named after Holden Caulfield — yes, that Holden — controversial and messy and tender and raw. But rereading Catcher in the Rye as an adult helped me realize how much Holden embodies the ache of growing up and the vulnerability of youth. That really stuck with me.

Then came Scout. She is spunky, smart, sassy, brave. She’s every bit the To Kill a Mockingbird heroine. We gave her the middle name Lee, which was my birth middle name before I dropped it when I moved my maiden name to the middle. I love that I didn’t lose it entirely by passing it on to her.

Holden’s middle name is Sebastian, in honor of my grandfather, and his initials HSS match my husband’s grandfather’s. These connections mean something to me. Our kids’ names are rooted in family, story, and sentiment. I want this baby’s name to feel just as meaningful.

But here’s where I’m stuck…I cannot for the life of me settle on a boy name.

Here is my stream of consciousness… many friends are suggesting we go with a name that could work for either gender — and yes, I like that idea. I really like Emerson, for example. It’s literary, handsome and gentle, but I wonder if it feels too soft. I love Brock, which was always my favorite (until a friend ruined it by rhyming it with… well, you can guess). I like Easton (but my friend has a Weston, so is that weird?). I like Axel, but it’s starting to feel too trendy. Vance or Van? Very cool. Maverick? I love it, but it’s my cousin’s son’s name. 

And my husband Tristan? He’s not exactly helping. He’s convinced this baby is a girl. (Which is funny, because I’m convinced it’s a boy — this pregnancy feels more like Holden’s than Scout’s so that’s really all I have to go off of.) He told me the other day, “You’ve been a bitch, so it’s definitely a girl.” (Yes, I laughed. No, I wasn’t offended. You have to know his sense of humor. I actually think it’s hilarious that he said that and I had the perfect response for him…smirk. )

I’ve tried everything — Larson (my aunt said it sounds like “larceny”), Otto (which reminds me of Rocket Power, RIP childhood), Max (adorable, but my high school boyfriend’s last name was Maxwell so that feels weird and I do love Max from “Where the Wild Things Are” but that little boy always reminded me of Holden. I even made it the theme in their playroom.). Sawyer sounds nice and literary… except I like that more for a girl.

I want something just right — something I don’t already associate with someone else. Something with that same vibe as Holden and Scout. Familiar but rare. Meaningful but not heavy. Unique but not hard to pronounce. (Scout gets mistaken for a dog sometimes and Holden has been called Colton, but we survive.)

It’s wild how much pressure naming a baby carries. This name becomes their identity. It’s what they’ll carry forever. And we’re picking it without even knowing who they are yet.

Honestly, I think we’ve been doing it wrong as a society. We should all get to know our kids for a while and then name them. Like a big “Naming Day” on their first birthday. Cake, candles, and a final name reveal.

Two of my friends have even renamed their kids after birth. One had a daughter named Delphine who became Lily. Another had a son named Graham (or maybe it was Grant — I forget?) who’s now Henry. Honestly, I love that. You meet your baby and realize who they are.

So for now, I’m trying to enjoy the mystery. We still have time, technically. But I know myself — I feel most at peace when the big decisions are made early. And right now? This one’s wide open.

I’m waiting. And hoping that somewhere between now and delivery, the right name will come to me.

Or I’ll just panic and name them Emerson…or Axel.

…or will it be Vance?!

…or maybe she really is the name I can’t stop thinking about — but I’m keeping that one close for now.

AHHH!! What about you? Did you know your baby’s name right away? Did you change it later? Were you and your partner ever wildly off on name preferences? I’d love to hear your stories — drop them in the comments below or tag us @bumpdateapp.