Sleep Deprivation

Someone once told me that felons have had their convictions reduced due to the effects of severe sleep deprivation. That’s how powerful lack of sleep can be; it can alter judgment, mood, and mental stability. And yet, parents are expected to push through months, sometimes years, of broken sleep like it’s just part of the deal.

With my first son, we didn’t attempt sleep training until he was about six months old. And by “sleep training,” I mean letting him cry while I locked myself in the closet with a pillow over my head, sobbing as my husband watched the timer. Five or ten minutes felt like forever. I was a breastfeeding mom and I knew I could go in and soothe him, but I was desperately trying to believe that not doing so didn’t make me a bad mom. After three brutal nights, he learned to fall asleep on his own. Of course, that small victory was temporary, we made plenty of sleep mistakes after that.

Mom Guilt & Moms on Call

We didn’t jump into “cry it out” because we wanted to, we were running on empty. We both worked full-time, in-person jobs during the height of COVID. Our son hit every sleep regression right on schedule and woke up before the sun. We turned to the Moms on Call method out of sheer survival, and even though it felt awful at first, once it worked, it gave our family a rhythm. A little peace. A chance to breathe.

What I’ve learned is that teaching your baby to fall asleep independently is actually a powerful life skill. When you know your baby is safe, warm, fed, and loved, and you’ve bathed them, read a book, sung a lullaby, and kissed their cheeks, you’re allowed to walk away. That is enough. Even when mom guilt whispers otherwise.

Repeating My Same Mistakes

Of course, we “untrained” ourselves pretty quickly. I got pregnant with our second and was so nauseous we started lying with our toddler until he fell asleep. Sleep training, undone. Then, with baby #2, I forgot everything I’d learned and waited until I was breastfeeding him nine times a day at 9 months old to ask for help. You would think somewhere along those 9 months that something would have clicked in my head to see help since I already did this with my first. Nope!

Asking for Help

We hit our breaking point again, and that’s when we reached out to Jayne Havens at Snooze Fest, and she gave us a tailored plan. Since I was still nursing, my husband took over nighttime check-ins. Within three nights, our second son learned to fall asleep on his own too.

I’m writing this not because I’ve figured it all out, but because I haven’t, and I know I’m not alone. Parenting is hard, and it’s even harder when you’re sleep-deprived. It’s difficult to see clearly, to feel like yourself, to show up fully for your family. But you don’t have to go through it in survival mode. There are resources. There is help. And most importantly, there are other moms who’ve been there, too.

Whatever path you choose: sleep train, co-sleep, rock them for hours, just know that you are not alone, and if you are struggling with sleep deprivation, you don’t have to be. Reach out to a friend who has been in your shoes. Be vulnerable with the right people to seek help. Moms on Call, Jayne Havens, my mom tribe and my ultimate teammate of a husband is what happened to save me during this particularly trying time.

There is Always Another Way

As hard as it is to see this when you are in the thick of it, remember that there is always another way. When you’re struggling and at your breaking point, ask questions, be vulnerable, seek help. Another mom out there who has been through it is begging you to let them help. 

For another blog on navigating the challenges of parenthood, read, “Embracing the Journey: When Imposter Syndrome Meets Motherhood“.