June 09, 2022 - 2 min read
June 09, 2022
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Now I Understand

 

“Isn’t it funny?

How the heart can love something long before it knows its face.

It runs deeper than we could ever measure; the strength of that love somehow able to make us feel & do things we once half-believed.

They tell us.

The women at the baby showers, or in the super market, eyeing our bellies from across the tiled floors. The mothers as they grasp sticky hands & soothe screaming lips. “It’s like nothing you’ve ever known,” they say. “It’s the best thing you’ll ever do. Trust me.” And we smile politely, nod & worry again about the pain of labor or the fear of failing or the looming sleep deprivation. About making sure we keep them safe once they’re here. Because we haven’t known it yet, & quite frankly we’re nervous to.

But one night, after sweat & tears & pain, we are there.

Experiencing the rush of our hearts separating from our bodies & arriving as a tiny human— suddenly free in this giant world. A piece of our souls, breathing the same air, thumping its own heart, but still needing us. After all, we were once one in the same. That night, we feel it. A love so deep it hurts. Aches. For how can we love someone so much that nothing that mattered yesterday matters today? Those women were right. They told me to trust them when they said those things about motherhood.

But I’ve seen it for myself, now.

Yes, I’ll live the long nights & stained t-shirts. The numbers on the scale that remind me of how my body has shifted to create more love. I’ll see those things for myself, too. But the deep, aching love overpowers all of that. And I’ll say it when someone asks. When uncertainty flickers in the eyes of a friend as delivery approaches. But I know they’ll have to see for themselves, like I did.

And at the risk of sounding like just another mother who we politely nod our heads at while we rub our stretching bellies…

It really is unlike anything else.

It really is the best thing I’ll ever do.

It hurts in the very best way.

Our hearts really can beat & live outside of our bodies. Our babies are living proof of that & we will spend our lives from that night on, with a love so deep it hurts.

And it will be worth it all. As those women have said, “trust me.”

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Image of Molly Savitzky

Molly Savitzky

@birchandbowerywriting

Molly Savitzky is a poet, deep feeler and writer who lives with her family in Newport, Rhode Island. She has a passion for threading words together for love, loss, soulmates and inner strength. She runs a small Etsy shop called The Birch & The Bowery selling prints of her poetry. Molly enjoys spending time with her two dogs, husband, and daughter, hiking, exploring the northeast, and spending early morning hours writing in her journal or reading novels.

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