Infertility is one of those invisible heartbreaks that often lives in the background of group texts, baby showers, and holidays. It’s quiet and personal — and unless someone tells you they’re going through it, you may never know. But when a friend opens up about their struggle to conceive, it can be hard to know what to say. What’s helpful? What’s hurtful? What’s too much?

As the founder of Bumpdate — and as someone who deeply values the importance of friendship through all seasons of motherhood and everything in between — I wanted to share a few gentle ways we can show up for the people we love who are walking this hard road.

1. Let them lead the way.
Everyone processes infertility differently. Some people want to talk about it openly, others prefer to keep it private. Let your friend set the tone. If they bring it up, meet them with open ears and an open heart. If they don’t, that’s okay too — just make sure they know you’re here if and when they’re ready.

2. Resist the urge to give advice.
It’s human to want to help. But phrases like “Just relax” or “It’ll happen when it’s meant to” can feel dismissive. The truth is, there’s no magic fix. What your friend likely needs more than anything is someone to listen and say:
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I love you, and I’m here.”

3. Be thoughtful about pregnancy news.
If you’re expecting, you absolutely deserve to celebrate that joy — but consider giving a friend who’s struggling a private heads-up before you post or share widely. It’s not about hiding your happiness; it’s about offering them the dignity of processing it in their own time and space.

4. Celebrate who they are — not just who they hope to become.
Infertility can start to feel all-consuming. Remind your friend that they’re more than this season. Celebrate their creativity, their humor, their strength, their presence in your life. They are already whole, already worthy, already enough.

5. Show up in the small ways.
You don’t need perfect words. Just be there. A simple “thinking of you” text. An invitation for coffee. A little care package on a hard day. Your consistent, quiet presence can be a grounding force — even if they don’t say it out loud.

6. Hold space for the hard days.
Mother’s Day. The due date that never came. The baby shower they skipped. These days can be incredibly heavy. Checking in — even with something as simple as, “Hey, I know today might be tough. I’m here if you need anything” — can make someone feel so deeply seen.

If you have a friend going through infertility, I hope this reminds you that your support matters — even if you’re not sure exactly how to give it. You don’t have to fix it. You just have to show up. With compassion. With love. With presence.

At Bumpdate, we believe motherhood begins in many different ways — and so does the journey toward it. Wherever your friends are on that journey, your care can be a soft place to land.

With love,
Gabrielle Iorio Sylk
Founder of Bumpdate

Resources for Supporting Loved Ones Through Infertility
Because knowing where to turn — or how to help — makes all the difference.

• Resolve: The National Infertility Association
  A nonprofit offering education, community support, and advocacy for people experiencing infertility.
  www.resolve.org

• The Fertility Tribe
  A modern-day community for anyone navigating infertility, IVF, or loss — with stories, resources, and connection.
  www.thefertilitytribe.com

• Evermore Blooms
  A beautiful nonprofit sending unexpected floral gifts to women who are grieving miscarriage or facing infertility, reminding them they are not alone.
  www.evermoreblooms.org

• Book: “The Art of Waiting” by Belle Boggs
  A deeply thoughtful memoir on infertility, possibility, and what it means to build a family.

• Book: “Not Broken” by Lora Shahine, MD
  A compassionate and clear guide to understanding miscarriage and recurrent pregnancy loss.

• Support Groups on Peanut
  The Peanut app has an entire community dedicated to fertility and TTC, including groups for IVF, loss, and emotional support.