2017: My First Pregnancy – Finding Strength in the Darkness
When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I was filled with joy, excitement, and a bit of fear. I knew pregnancy wouldn’t be easy for me; my mom had difficult pregnancies, and I feared I might follow in her footsteps. But I never expected the storm I was about to face.
At just eight weeks pregnant, I began experiencing severe nausea. At first, I thought it was typical morning sickness, but it quickly became unbearable. I couldn’t keep food down, I was losing weight rapidly, and my body was growing weaker each day. By six months pregnant, I weighed just 97 pounds. Some days, I couldn’t even get out of bed. I prayed constantly for healing—for strength to make it through the day and for my baby to be healthy.
The hospital became a second home.
Doctors couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong, but they suspected it was gestational and would resolve after the baby was born. At 28 weeks, a car accident landed me back in the ER. My heart sank when the doctor said, “Your baby might come early.” Josiah was tiny—less than a pound—but he was a fighter. Against all odds, I carried him a bit longer.
When I was six months pregnant, the doctors made the difficult decision to place me on total parenteral nutrition (TPN) through a central line. Later, they added a feeding tube because I wasn’t gaining enough weight. It wasn’t easy adjusting to life with a feeding tube, but I was thankful for the nutrients it provided. Slowly, my health improved, and my baby began to grow.
Josiah was born at 4 pounds, 5 ounces—a miracle wrapped in strength.
He spent two weeks in the NICU, and every moment was a prayer. Holding him for the first time, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. God had carried us through the valley, and I held living proof of His faithfulness in my arms.
2020: My Second Pregnancy – A Journey of Hope
When my husband and I decided to try for a second child, I was filled with mixed emotions. Part of me wanted to give Josiah a sibling, but the memory of my first pregnancy was fresh, and I was scared. Yet, we felt peace knowing God was guiding us.
This time, we had a plan. My team of doctors knew my history and prepared to handle whatever came our way. The first trimester brought intense nausea and vomiting, compounded by my stomach motility issues. But I was determined to keep going. I worked, cared for my toddler, and pushed through each day, leaning on faith to sustain me.
Around Thanksgiving, I had a J-tube inserted. The procedure was painful, and my body struggled to adjust. My belly swelled with air, my skin reacted badly to the tape, and I had nights where I cried on the bathroom floor from the pain. Yet, through it all, I held onto the hope of meeting my baby girl.
Despite the challenges, there were bright spots. This time, my feeding tube was discreet, and I didn’t have to deal with the stares or questions I had faced during my first pregnancy. I found comfort in the quiet moments when I could feel my baby move, reminding me why I was enduring it all.
As my due date approached, my OB suggested inducing labor because the baby was measuring small.
My husband and I knew our baby was perfectly fine for our family’s size, so we declined and waited. That Saturday evening, labor began naturally.
The contractions were intense, unlike anything I had experienced before. I labored for hours, and when my daughter’s heart rate dropped, panic set in. But God was with us. With the help of the medical team, I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Holding her in my arms, I felt a wave of relief and gratitude. She was worth every struggle, every tear, and every sleepless night.
2022: Our Journey to Baby #3 – Strength in the Struggle
In 2022, my husband and I decided to try for one more baby. We knew it wouldn’t be easy, but the desire to expand our family outweighed the fear of what lay ahead.
From the start, this pregnancy mirrored my second. I had a J-tube placed early, faced severe nausea and vomiting, and battled the same skin reactions and feeding challenges. Even though I had been through this before, it didn’t make it easier. Some nights, I lay in bed questioning my decision and crying out to God for strength.
This time, I was determined to have natural labor.
I had read countless stories about the beauty of natural births and felt it was the right choice for me. However, the reality was far from what I had envisioned.
Labor began in the middle of the night, and the contractions were unbearable from the start. Each wave of pain felt like my body was breaking. I tried to stay calm, focusing on my breathing and the goal of meeting my baby, but the hours dragged on. By the time I reached the pushing stage, I was physically and emotionally spent.
The experience was traumatic, and looking back, I regret not opting for medical intervention. The recovery was the hardest I’d ever faced. My body felt shattered, and caring for three children while healing pushed me to my limits. But even in the darkest moments, I reminded myself that I was strong. I had brought another beautiful life into the world, and that was worth everything.
What I learned and what I want to share
Looking back on these experiences, I see God’s faithfulness woven through every moment. There were times I felt weak, broken, and unsure if I could keep going. But I learned that even in the darkest valleys, there is hope.
For moms walking through difficult pregnancies or challenges of any kind, I want to encourage you to:
- Lean on faith. There were days I could only take one step at a time, but I held onto verses like Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you… plans to give you hope and a future.”
- Ask for help. Whether it’s a doctor, a friend, or your partner, don’t be afraid to lean on others.
- Celebrate the small victories. Every pound gained, every kick from your baby, and every day you endure is worth celebrating.
Today, I am stronger than I ever thought possible. Though I still deal with dietary restrictions and some lingering health challenges, I am feeding tube-free—a miracle I don’t take for granted.
Motherhood has taught me the depth of love and resilience we carry as women.
It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. My story is proof that even in the hardest moments, there is beauty waiting on the other side.
If you’re reading this and going through a tough time, know that you are not alone. You are stronger than you think, and God has a plan for your life. Keep holding on, mama. There is joy set before you!
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