Psychologist and a Mom Helping Others Through DBT

Hi! I’m a psychologist and mom of two, and I help parents find calm in the chaos.

I became a therapist because I’ve always been drawn to understanding people, how they think, feel, and navigate life. I realized that what I really wanted was to sit with people in their pain, help them make sense of it, and guide them toward a life that feels meaningful. Therapy gave me the perfect way to blend empathy with problem-solving, and support people in moving forward without being held back by emotional pain.

Parenting is Hard

Parenting is beautiful, and also messy, overwhelming, and exhausting. You can love your kids and miss your old life. You can feel joy and complete burnout. That’s the heart of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), the idea that two opposite things can be true at the same time.

DBT teaches practical tools for managing big emotions, staying grounded, improving relationships, and getting through tough moments without losing it. It’s especially helpful for sensitive parents, those who feel things deeply, act impulsively, or struggle to bounce back after getting emotionally flooded (aka, going from 0 to 100).

If you’ve ever found yourself yelling and then instantly regretting it… crying in the bathroom after bedtime… or wondering why no one told you parenting would feel like this, you’re in the right place.

Why I Love DBT

I love DBT because it works. The skills are simple, practical, and powerful, tools people can actually use in real life, especially in moments of distress. In my training, I quickly learned that talk alone isn’t always enough. DBT offers something more: a balance of acceptance and change, helping people manage emotions, cope with stress, and make intentional choices. It’s about building a life that feels meaningful.

Whether it’s anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship conflict, work stress, identity shifts, eating disorder issues, or trouble asking for what you need, these tools are specific, teachable, and life-changing. I wish every kid could learn DBT early on; it’s the kind of emotional toolkit we all deserve.

Here’s how DBT skills can help you not only survive parenting, but feel more in control, more connected, and more like you again.

Below are real-world parenting scenarios where DBT tools can make a huge difference, whether you’re deep in the newborn trenches, chasing toddlers, or managing bedtime meltdowns with older kids.

These skills are simple, practical, and you can start using them right away, no therapy degree required.

Let’s dive in.

Mindfulness: One Thing at a Time

It’s one of those days: your baby needs a diaper change, you just got a call from daycare that your toddler is sick, you’re out of diapers, and you haven’t had a sip of water or a bite to eat. It’s total overload, and your brain is spinning in a million directions.

Mindfulness helps you pause and ground yourself in the moment. It allows you to slow down, take a breath, and ask: What’s the most effective next step? Maybe it’s eating something so you don’t spiral into full-blown hanger. Maybe it’s taking a moment to center yourself before jumping into action.

You sit down, heat up your meal, and try to do just that, eat. Notice your food. Feel yourself chewing. When your mind starts to wander to your Amazon cart or that cringey thing you said at a playdate, gently bring your attention back. One moment. One task. One breath at a time.

Distress Tolerance: When You’re About to Lose It

Your baby is screaming, your toddler is flinging food, dinner is burned, and you’ve been holding your pee for 30 minutes. You feel your body tensing. Heart racing. Mind flooding with unhelpful thoughts. You’re this close to snapping.

This is where distress tolerance skills come in. They’re quick, body-based strategies to help you ride out big emotions without making things worse.

Try the TIPP skill, specifically the temperature change trick: Fill a bowl with ice water and dunk your face in it for 15–30 seconds, while simultaneously holding your breath. (Yes, really.) It triggers your dive reflex—slowing your heart rate and calming your nervous system fast. It’s weird. It’s science. It works. Here’s a quick demo: Watch on YouTube

Emotion Regulation: Prepare Before Panic Hits

You’re taking your child to the doctor after a rough week of illness. Your heart is already racing, you hate doctor’s offices, and your anxiety is high.

The DBT skill Cope Ahead helps you prepare for emotional moments before they happen. By planning and visualizing how you want to respond, you’re more likely to stay grounded when the time comes.

Here’s how:

• Make a list of questions to ask the doctor
• Do paced breathing in the car
• Play music to stay out of your anxious thoughts
• Eat a snack and get rest the night before
• Imagine yourself calmly managing the appointment
• Think through your worst-case fear, and how you’d handle it

When you mentally rehearse emotional situations with compassion and strategy, you’re setting yourself up to cope more skillfully in the moment.

Interpersonal Effectiveness: Saying No Without Guilt

You’re overwhelmed. Work, kids, meals, summer plans, and yet, you still feel like you have to say yes to every request. You don’t want to disappoint anyone, but inside, you’re running on empty.

DBT teaches interpersonal effectiveness skills to help you set boundaries with confidence and kindness.

Try this:

• Practice saying no out loud (yes, in the mirror!)
• Stand tall, make eye contact, and keep your tone calm and clear
• Explain your reasoning without over-apologizing (“I’d love to help another time, but today I really need to rest.”)
• Remind yourself: Saying no isn’t selfish. It’s sustainable.

Your needs matter, too. And when you protect your energy, you show up more fully in the moments that count.

DBT as a Roadmap

The emotional rollercoaster of parenting is real, and it’s not a sign you’re doing anything wrong. DBT gives you a roadmap to manage big feelings, slow things down, and respond in ways that align with your values (even when the toddler is melting down and the dog is barking).

These skills won’t make parenting easy, but they will help you feel more grounded, more connected, and more in control, even in the chaos.

You don’t have to be in therapy to use DBT skills. These tools are simple, powerful, and rooted in compassion. They don’t make parenting easy, but they do make it easier to stay grounded, connected, and kind to yourself when things get hard.

You deserve support and tools that actually work, not because you’re broken, but because you’re human. Working with a therapist who integrates DBT (especially one who understands the perinatal experience) can be life-changing.

Reach Out for Support

If this resonates with you and you want to learn more about applying DBT to parenting, I’d love to support you. Reach out to work with me, join a group, or explore more resources designed specifically for the perinatal and parenting journey. Check out my website at https://www.drmichellelitwer.com/ or contact me at dr.michellelitwer@gmail.com.

I am launching a DBT informed skills group: “Rooted and Resilient: From Baby Bump to Baby Years”. This is a warm, supportive, skills-based group designed for anyone expecting a baby or adjusting to life postpartum and beyond. You’ll leave each session with practical tools to manage stress, communicate effectively, and stay centered through the many changes of early parenthood.

The ideal client for this group is someone who is navigating pregnancy, postpartum, or a parent of young children (under 5 years old). This group is a virtual 90 minute session that offers evidence-based DBT skills tailored to the emotional realities of this population. All four modules will be presented (emotion regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness).

Contact me for more info!