As a parent, one of the greatest hopes I hold is that my children will grow up to be the best of friends. Siblings share a bond like no other — formed from the shared experiences, laughter, and yes, even the occasional tiffs that come with growing up together. But beyond simply coexisting, I dream of a future where my kids are each other’s confidants, cheerleaders, and lifelong companions.

“We made you a built-in best friend!”

“Morning, Mama! Morning, Scout!” I hear my son shout this as my daughter and I walk into the kitchen after her first feed. This is a reflection I recall from a year or so ago now. He would sit on my husband’s lap and await the moment we were close enough to give us each a big smooch. How lucky are we?! He would make us feel so special – like we’re the only people in the world. 

I try hard to not get lost in predicting their fate. After all, they are their own people and it’s their life to live – though I’d be lying if I didn’t admit how much I hope they’d be best friends for life. I think most parents hope their children are best friends with their siblings one day. The concept of “We made you a built-in best friend!”. I get it now. There’s nothing in the world that brings me joy like seeing the two of them giggle with each other back and forth. My son playing peekaboo with his sister and the hysterical belly laugh that erupts from our little girl, lighting up her whole face – it’s the best.

What makes siblings close?

An only child girlfriend of mine, for as long as she could remember, dreamed of having siblings. She has a very close relationship with her parents however she yearned for a sibling to talk to about the nuances of growing up in the house with her parents that only she could understand. So when she thought about having a family of her own one day she knew having multiples was important to her.

Recently she shared with me that she could count on one hand the number of adults she knew who speak fondly of their siblings – and I happened to be one of them, so we got into it. 

At first I was reflecting on, was it the way my parents raised us? Always being each other’s biggest fans or what? We didn’t always get along, but we respected each other for our individual achievements which put us in a place to be fond of each other rather than jealous. Was it child birth order? Was gender a factor? Was it the time of year we were born or the distance we were apart from each other? Age gap?

These questions, and more importantly the answers, all of a sudden became so important to me.

Building a Foundation of Friendship

From the very beginning, I’ve tried to instill in my children the importance of kindness, empathy, and support for one another. I want them to show up for each other in the best ways and be so amazed by their achievements. I know that sibling relationships can be complex, shaped by both love and rivalry, but I truly believe it’s possible to nurture a bond that leans more towards the first.

Whether it’s encouraging them to share toys when they’re little or teaching them to resolve conflicts with words as they grow older, I hope these small daily lessons lay the foundation for a deep, lasting friendship.

Creating Shared Memories

One of the ways I try to foster closeness between my children is by creating opportunities for shared experiences. Family traditions, weekend adventures, and even simple activities like tending to our chickens or making breakfast together help create memories that will hopefully knit their lives together in a meaningful way.

These shared moments are the glue that can hold them together when life gets challenging. I imagine them, years down the road, reminiscing about those times with a fondness that strengthens their bond.

Allowing Individuality

While I want my children to be close, I also recognize the importance of allowing them to develop their own identities. My kids are each unique, with their own interests, talents, and quirks. Encouraging their individuality not only helps them grow into their own person but also teaches them to appreciate and respect the differences in others, including their siblings.

In celebrating who they are as individuals, I hope they learn to value the ways in which they complement each other — creating a friendship that’s based on mutual respect and admiration.

Supporting Each Other Through Life

Life is full of ups and downs, and I want my children to know that they can always count on each other. Whether it’s cheering each other on at school events, offering a shoulder to cry on during tough times, or just being there for a chat, the support they give each other will be one of the most valuable gifts they can share.

As they grow up, I hope they learn that friends may come and go, but the bond they have as siblings can be a constant source of strength and comfort.

Looking to the Future

It’s possible that you have multiple children, not to create “built-in best friends” for them (though I very openly wish for that), but to help them individually be better people. There is no guarantee siblings will like each other, but I’d bet on it that individuals become stronger, more empathetic people because they have learned to cohabitate, to share time, to care for each other, to see the world closely through another’s lens.

As I watch my children interact with each other, I can’t help but envision the future. I see them laughing together over inside jokes, celebrating each other’s successes, and being there for the big moments in life — weddings, birthdays, and maybe even as each other’s kids play together someday.

While I know that I can’t control the future or dictate the nature of their relationship, I can do my best to lay a foundation for them to build on. In the end, my greatest wish is that they not only love each other as family but also choose to love each other as friends.